Shoes For Bush World Tour

Posted by Alan Gillis | 1/05/2009 02:44:00 PM | , , , , , , , , , | 0 comments »

"With Large Take Out "XXX" Free Bush Mu Shu Special". Not sure of the translation. It happened first at the Max Planck Instituit and they should know what they're doing. Could be an ad for "Chinese Love Slaves "XXX" Mu Shu Fetish" or "General Tao People's Revolutionary Army claims shoe incident Top "XXX" Secret Peking decoy duck not chicken." Anyway Bush is on the menu in China or Taiwan or safe to say at HK Rooster Crow Garden Restaurant where for sure we have "Tourist Special American Bush Mu Shu For Dim Sum Holiday Daily". This is certainly taking off worldwide since an Arab journalist lost control of both his Turkish shoes, nice ones, size 10 said Bush, now on back order throughout the Arab World, with originals now worth $10 million each in Saudi. Sauree, this is where Lucky Ho Hum facts compromise Pure Fortune Ho Ho Cookie: Two shoes better than one shoe.

The problem is the original video has been sabotaged and no one is sure what happened with ADD at record highs in the White House. It may have been a professional mashup by hackers from the arch rival People's Odd Job Shoe Factory NK. But a spokesperson for the CIA says they still only have dial-up in North Korea and downloading video and editing and hacking into a dozen sites and then uploading would have taken weeks. No comment from Dr Evil, still down 300 Billion Dollars and change from the Wall Street meltdown, but a PA who worked on Austin Powers 4, said "We had Austin ready to save the President from a giant shoe bomb, but we had to pull The Shoe Who Loved Me because this Arab guy couldn't wait for the movie. There was absolutely no political interference. Reports of Austin shagging some black chick from the State Department in Air Force One on the Baghdad runway when he should have been protecting the President, was from the movie. It never happened."

Bush's new personal secretary Condoleezza Rice--"She's always got a job with me," said Bush, "as long as she don't bring her Chinese lady friend over who eats thousand year old eggs with Mu Shu, y'know Dick, the spy from the Chinese Cleaners?"--also denied the White House tampered with the video. "Baghdad. One martini too many Omygawd that was all that I could manage," ricepudding posted on Twitter. "But I got my black ass on video and guess who's got a copy?"

A White House insider denied any wrong doing anywhere. "Could have been any black chick in Baghdad. Condi loves the Austin Powers' movies like the President does, but that doesn't mean anything. They watch them together at parties. Sure, Austin was supposed to be there backing up the President in Baghdad. It's a long plane ride. Some people would watch an in-flight movie. Have a few drinks for a morale booster, like last week the President had Celine Dion sleep over. The CIA is looking at the two Canadians in a row angle, but they're not going to find anything. Doesn't anyone believe in coincidences? Actually it's a deadly security matter, the Baghdad thing. There were like two hundred shoes in that room. Maybe if Austin was signing autographs after the press conference it wouldn't have happened. Anyway we like the Bush-Austin video. Takes the edge off things. Cross your fingers and keep laughing. Only a few more days to go. And the video is still 90% accurate, except for any Chinese/Korean connection, and not every Arab journalist threw shoes. I want to repeat that. We counted only two and we have them both in custody in Guantanamo."

In Britain not everyone is laughing. For missing the point entirely, some British civil servants have an enviable reputation. It might have been a Shoe Holiday for some Bobbies, but a spokesperson for 10 Downing Street, condemned the recent "shoe terror" in The Strand as unfortunately mismatched and inappropriate in a democracy. "There is certainly no connection between the Prime Minister Mr Gordon Brown and any sort of shoe. Brown is a common colour for shoes as we have repeatedly made clear to the press and public. Again during a preliminary inventory we found most shoes thrown could not be considered "Brown". Few ladies shoes fitted the category and the others presumably male were predominately black or odoriferous white athletic wear. What reference any shoe could have to Gaza either remains unclear. We're not in Gaza for one thing. If it had been an Iraqi demonstration, we could have sorted it out with the White House. Arab footwear however, is on our watch list for obvious reasons."

At a press conference back from Baghdad, after giving his statement on "Maybe I shouldn't have gone to Iraq", President Bush turned the podium over to his dog Barney. "If you've got questions on shoe throwing, Barney's the expert. And John Decker knows he's great with journalists."

--Alan Gillis